


Are You Coming Back?

by Toonbly



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, half life vr ai
Genre: Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Joshua speaks in ASL, Joshua's also a teen in this! It's been a few years since the Black Mesa incident, Light Angst, Mute Joshua Freeman, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Separation Anxiety, mute character, the rest of the science team gets mentioned but its just the freemans for the most part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24909265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toonbly/pseuds/Toonbly
Summary: You'd think that years after the incident at Black Mesa, Joshua would stop panicking every time his father was even a few minutes late from getting home from work. You'd think he'd grow past it, learn to cope, maybe even be shocked that he'd remembered such an event even at his age. But no, he hasn't forgotten.He's not sure if he ever will.
Relationships: Gordon Freeman & Joshua Freeman
Comments: 12
Kudos: 199





	Are You Coming Back?

Joshua Freeman finds himself pacing in the living room.

It’s stupid, he knows it’s stupid, and yet here he is.

He glances up at the clock.

5:45pm.

His dad should’ve been home thirty minutes ago.

That’s how their schedule had been for years now. Gordon went to work at about 8:45am every morning, and got home by 5:15pm that night. He’d call Joshua during his lunch break or text him if he could. Gordon hadn’t always managed to stick to this schedule, of course. Sometimes he’d come home late- sometimes it wouldn’t be until the next day, work was busy nowadays after all, but no matter what he’d let Joshua know. If it was an overnight stay, he’d check in as often as possible. Joshua was old enough to be left on his own now, after all, the kid could handle himself.

Or he’s supposed to be able to, anyway.

He glances at his phone.

5:50pm.

No call. No text. Nothing from his dad.

Almost an hour late.

Joshua takes a deep breath, telling himself to stay calm. There’s a reasonable explanation- there has to be! There was traffic. He’s going late again, maybe the experiment is really important and he hasn’t been able to get up and tell him he’s gonna be home late. Maybe he was getting food! Or groceries to cook dinner! They didn’t...have family dinners much anymore, Joshua usually preferred to stay holed up in his room, but- but still! Gordon’s sweet, a little overbearing but it’s clear that it’s just because he cares! Maybe he wanted to surprise him? Yeah- Yeah that’s it. It’s a surprise!

Yeah..That’s it.

A surprise.

…

5:55pm.

_ ‘It better be a good one,’ _ Joshua thought.

He knows it’d probably be best to go back into his room, sit down, listen to some music, maybe play that weird...what’s it called? Heavenly Sword game Benrey gave him, but- no. He can’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he takes a seat on the couch. It’s better than pacing around like an idiot, he supposed. He could turn on the TV- but, no, if his dad pulls into the driveway he might not be able to hear him pull in over the volume. Same goes for video games, music, just...everything. He tries to keep himself occupied with his phone, playing mindless games with the volume all the way down. It doesn’t help much. He keeps glancing at the time in the upper right corner.

6:00pm

Almost an hour late.

Joshua finally decides that now may be a good time to swallow his pride.

He pulls up the texting app.

\---

JOSHUA: Hey, dad. You on your way home?

\---

He taps his foot, waiting for a response. A minute goes by, and then two, then three, four, five..

The text hasn’t even been read yet.

\---

JOSHUA: Dad?

\---

He’s started running his fingers over his thumb, clacking them to his palm as he does. This stim usually helped him calm down, maybe it’ll work now. There’s nothing to be scared of anyway, yeah?

He glances at the clock.

6:10pm.

Still no response.

\---

JOSHUA: You’re on your way home, right?

\---

It’s not like it’s gonna happen again. What happened all those years ago when he was just a kid- well, a much younger kid- that was a freak accident! A once in a lifetime event. What’d he call it again..? A Resonance Cascade? Yeah- Yeah that’s it! How rare is that? There’s no way they’d perform tests that dangerous again!

6:15pm

An hour late.

And even if they did- Even IF they did! Gordon wouldn’t participate, right? He remembers how dangerous that was- How many lives were lost that day. Joshua doesn’t even know the full extent of it, but it must’ve been pretty bad, huh? Really bad. So many people didn’t make it out. Gordon, Tommy, Coomer, Bubby, Benrey, Darnold- That was it, wasn’t it? Just them. Six of them. Six out of hundreds of people who were working at Black Mesa that day. And only six made it out.

Only six.

Out of hundreds of people.

Only six of them lived.

They got lucky.

6:20pm.

Can’t be lucky forever, can he? No. He can’t. Joshua knows he can’t. Hell, the first time round he could barely call it lucky. Gordon hadn’t even made it home in one piece.

6:23pm.

He remembers that night pretty clearly. Joshua didn’t remember a lot of things from whenever he was that age- of course he doesn’t, it’s only natural- but that night sticks out the most to him. His dad had been gone for nearly a week. He’d known something was wrong when his babysitter kept calling and couldn’t get a hold of him. It worsened when Gordon wasn’t there to read him his bedtime story that night- He always had. No matter what, no matter how exhausted his father was, he’d stay and read to him, or sing to him, or- or whatever helped the kid sleep. But he hadn’t that night.

6:25pm.

Another thing he remembered well was the night his dad returned- or rather, the night Joshua returned to him. His caretaker had rushed him to the hospital that night, where he was met with five unfamiliar faces. A tall, lanky man with a propeller cap. Two older gentlemen, one much shorter than the other, the taller one having much sharper features than his companion. Finally, a short and stocky fellow with what seemed to be a perpetual shadow over his eye. He remembers being scared of him.

6:27pm.

Something was wrong. Even Joshua, who was only five at the time, could’ve told you this. He was handed over to one of the older men, the one with a muscular build and a mustache- who Joshua would later come to know as Grandpa Coomer. The kid was terrified, of course he was. The poor little guy had been bawling his eyes out from the moment he’d been taken away from his home. Coomer cradled the young boy in his arms. He still remembers to this day what he said to him.

6:29pm.

“Now now, little one, you’re alright,” Coomer had said, “You’ll be able to see your father soon! He just had...a little accident at work, but he’ll be okay!”

It hadn’t helped much, maybe a little, but not by much. Joshua wasn’t going to relax until he saw his father again.

6:30pm

And see him again he did. Lying in a hospital bed, with all these- these machines and wires and things Joshua didn’t understand hooked up to him. Gordon had reached out to him with one arm, repeatedly asking Coomer to hand him over as the group entered the room. Coomer did so without a moment of hesitation. Immediately Joshua found himself showered in hugs and kisses from the father he feared he’d never seen again- and yet, here he was. He was back, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Though he...hadn’t exactly made it home in one piece.

Joshua hadn’t let Gordon’s lower right arm, or rather the lack thereof, go unnoticed.

6:35pm

Joshua blinked. He’d dozed off, hadn’t noticed how rapidly his leg was bouncing, or how quickly he’d begun breathing, or how his eyes were darting between the windows, the door, the clock on the wall, and his phone.

He’d be home soon.

He had to be.

Right?

He’d come home, right?

He wouldn’t just leave him here, right?

Someone would tell him if something happened, wouldn’t they?

His dad wouldn’t get himself into anything that dangerous again, wouldn’t he?

He’d be okay, right?

He wasn’t hurt, yeah?

Joshua was gonna see his dad again, wasn’t he?

6:45pm

He grabs for his phone

\---

JOSHUA: Dad??? Hello???

JOSHUA: Where are you?

JOSHUA: Is everything okay?

JOSHUA: Dad?

JOSHUA: You usually text if you’re out late, what’s happening?

JOSHUA: Dad??

JOSHUA: Are you okay?

JOSHUA: Are you coming back..?

\---

His hands are shaking, it’s a miracle he can type so properly. Wait is- Is he crying? Why’s he crying- It’s fine! Everything’s fine- He’s- He’ll be okay!

He brings a shaking hand to his face, desperately trying to wipe the tears away with his sleeve. It doesn’t help. He can’t stop- He can’t. Somethings wrong. Something HAS to be wrong. Gordon’s hurt. He has to be. He’d call or text or- or ANYTHING if he was gonna stay gone this late-

6:50pm

This is bad. Really bad. Where was he where was he, _ where was he _ ,  **_where was HE_ ** \- He was safe, right? He wasn’t hurt, right? No. He had to be. It’s happening again, isn’t it? He’s never gonna see him again- Never. He’s on his own now- He’s hurt, he’s not here, he’s- he’s-

...Joshua can’t breathe.

He- He can’t breathe.

_ He can’t breathe. _

**_He CAN’T BREATHE._ **

He’s not sure how much time passes. He’s not even sure if time’s passing at all. He stays curled up on the couch, digging his nails into his arms, desperate to breathe, for god knows how long when-

The door opens.

“Joshua?’

_ He doesn’t respond. He  _ **_can’t_ ** _. _

_ “JOSHUA!”  _

Joshua suddenly finds himself being sat up by gentle hands, through tear filled eyes he sees a familiar face- Long brown hair, fluffy just like his own, a pair of glasses resting in front of worried, dark eyes, a tan complexion and a scruffy face-

The moment he recognizes him, Joshua flings his arms around Gordon, holding onto him like his life depended on it.

Gordon returned the embrace, pulling Joshua close, almost protectively, while rubbing his hand on his back in small circles.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, kiddo...You’re okay. Breathe, okay? Seven in, eleven out, you’re okay..You’re okay..” Gordon mumbles, cradling his son in his arms.

Joshua clings to the back of Gordon’s shirt, trying his best to follow his instructions. Seven in, elven out...Seven in, eleven out...Seven in, eleven out...Just breathe.

Eventually, Joshua begins to untense.

His breath begins to steady.

The tears slow to a halt.

Hesitantly, he pulls away from him and his father’s embrace.

Gordon runs a hand through his son’s hair, brushing it out of his face, “Joshie, buddy, what happened..?” He mumbles as he cups his face in his hand, wiping away the tear trails with his thumb.

With shaking hands, Joshua signs, “Where were you?”

Gordon sighs, “I’m- I’m so sorry, kiddo, I- They were holding me late and wouldn’t let me call, and by the time I got outside to my car my phone had died. I’m sorry, it- it won’t happen again, promise.” He brushes Joshua’s hair behind his ear with a soft smile, “I’m okay. See? I’m right here, I’m perfectly fine.”

“Promise?”

“Swear on my life.”

To that, Joshua just nods, letting out a long held breath and letting himself flop against his father’s chest. Gordon loosely wraps an arm around him, beginning to rub his back again.

“You doing okay, Joshie..? Do you need anything?”

Joshua nods, sitting up to sign “I’m okay, thank you.” Before falling back into their loose embrace.

There’s a moment of silence between the two, as Gordon holds onto Joshua, allowing him time to steady himself.

“...Hey, Joshie?”

Joshua looks up.

“Whaddaya say I make us some dinner, and when we’re done you can show me that..What’s that game you and Benrey are always going on about? The one with the cowboys?”

“Red Dead Redemption 2?”

“Yeah! That one.”

Joshua can’t help but smile a little, he nods, “That...sounds nice.” He signs.

“Cool! You go ahead and get that set up and I’ll start making dinner.”

With that, Gordon stands up and heads to the kitchen- but not without ruffling Joshua’s hair first, of course.

Joshua takes a deep breath, leaning back against the couch.

He stares up at the ceiling for a moment. He’s calm now, but still, it’s nice to have a moment of quiet.

He glances to the clock on the wall.

7:15pm

Two hours late, but he was home.

His dad was home, safe and sound.

Nothing was going to change that.

He exhales.

Everything was okay.

...Yeah. Everything was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> SO hi I wrote this at like 3am and finished it at 5am with absolutely 0 beta reading done because I've been thinking about the Freeman's nonstop and thats everybody elses problem.
> 
> If you wanna see more of my HLVRAI content outside of my fics, feel free to follow me on tumblr/insta/twitter @Toonbly!  
> I also run a story-driven HLVRAI ask blog on tumblr @GordonRadioTV if you wanna check that out! Ty for reading!


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